Why Some Angels Bailed On Heaven And Adam And Eve Bailed On The Garden Of Eden

 Heaven, eternal rest from toil and pain and just joy, joy, joy all of the time.  Woohoo.  Amiright?

Well according to the Christian mythology at some point, right there in Heaven, Satan and about one third of the angels said, "Fuck this shit we are leaving.", or something to that effect.  It wasn't that easy to just bugger off out of Heaven because you don't dig it, according to the narrative, and there was a celestial war about this where God and his loyalists won the battle but a sort of cold war rages on between the Heavenly forces and the rebels and the latter are able to recruit people to their side and the Heavenly forces can do fuck all because free will bitches.  I mean they can send down God's kid to kick a few demons out of humans and make them go possess pigs and stuff but overall the rebels get to be victorious and keep people out of Heaven with a stunning level of success. "Many are called but few are chosen."  Mathew 22:14.

Here is my question.  If you were in Heaven, regardless of your origin, meaining if you were angel or human or any other type of sentient being one could imagine, what about Heaven would make you decide that something better was not only possible but worth fighting for?  If you were in a place where everything was perfect and right what thought could you have that there was anything else?  Where would discontenment even come from?  Even if Satan got pissed that he wasn't God and decided to fuck off out of Heaven what would compel one single angel to share his discontent?  Since Satan isn't God and has no power of creation what could he offer them that was better than Heaven?  They were simply going to piss off the supreme being and get fucked for doing so.  It was a suicide mission.  What was their incentive?  What did they hope to gain?  The obvious answer is that they thought that there was something better than Heaven and eternal subservience to God.  Did they get it?  I don't know.  They apparently got a kingdom known as Hell.  From there Satan can patrol the Earth, Job 1:7 and his demons can possess people...and pigs.

It begs the question, does Heaven suck?  According to the Bible a whole lot of the residents thought so and decided to leave.  The fact that they were a minority, didn't buy the sales pitch, didn't conform to the norm and rebeled against "The Man" and his status quo appeals to me as my kind of beings.  Am I siding with demons?  Of course not.  They don't exist.  What I am siding with is the idea of freedom from imposed ideas of right, good, utopia, eternal bliss and/or Heaven.  If Satan and his followers did that then good on them.  Someone needed to stand up to that tyranny of eternal sunshine because it is bullshit.  No rational mind would want that.  A perpetual delusion of contentment and bliss with no break, no reprieve, no end?  Yuck!  Satan and his followers had it right.  Fuck that.  Being independent, free, naughty and facing some challenges makes existence worthwhile.  All good with no choice is subjugation and only idiots want that.  After all, what Satan told Adam and Eve was 100% true.  The forbidden fruit did give them the knowledge of good and evil and if they were going to stand up to God and not be mere puppets they needed that.  They got it.  We've had real free will ever since.  Far from being an act of naughtiness warranting condemnation and regret, it was an act of independence.  It was necessary to free humanity from the oppressive tyranny, of expectations of perfection, of eternal bliss without challenges or struggle, eternal indolence which would prevent growth and discovery, and perpetual ignorance of any alternative.  That mythological rebelious act also demonstrates that the authors of that fiction were trying to say that the Garden Of Eden sucked.  Adam and Eve believed that there was something better and the fruit was the key to finding it.  It is merely a fiction that they ever existed and just another lovely myth from a book of bronze age goat herder oral traditions.  Still, if you want to boast the truth of The Bible then these are some truths.  Satan and a third of the Heavenly host wanted something better.  Adam and Eve wanted something better.  Apparently eternal bliss just doesn't appeal to everyone.  I definitely find it an abhorent idea.  As a mere human the Bible is pretty clear that I don't actually go to Hell but I won't get into Heaven.  I believe it is the outer darkness for me if I have read and comprehended correctly.  I simply don't get into Heaven and win eternal bliss and therefor I get pain and torment of some sort.  Since either one would be Hell for me, ass I've discussed in a previous article, it just couldn't matter less to me.  If I were to strive for either it would be to not ever qualify for an eternal stay in Heaven.  Gross.  No thank you.  Fortunately, I don't believe I have to worry about it because there is no God, no Satan, no eternal battle, no angels or demons and no Heaven or Hell.